I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
as a side note pls kill me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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