I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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