Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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