I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
