He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
