I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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