If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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