I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
