Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize