Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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