take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
