it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
be right there i have to get my cape
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
