just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
