Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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