I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
