If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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