i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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