We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
