My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
