I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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