Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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