i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
