i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
