i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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