It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
