i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
