In the future we'll all be gay
I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
