9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
