it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
