and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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