Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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