ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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