woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
