End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
