whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
