where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
