also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
