Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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