Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
