They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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