I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.