Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.