It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
