There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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