I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub