If i come over, it means nothing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
