It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
