hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
