What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
