yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
