My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
