my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
