Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
