There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
