he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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