if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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