I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
