Got a toothbrush?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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