Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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