Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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