It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
