we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
