We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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